After feeling somewhat positive about my endeavors of sending my Child's Mother a video (Son's bday montage, its on the site). I chose to spend this day getting my facts straight for court, if anybody who is anybody knows, the process leading up to court is SOOO stressful.
After obtaining police records and reading them over, simultaneously barking at the k-9 statue with my Son, I was CONSUMED with anger. This lead my to go on a rampage with the only person I know who will listen to me at my beckon call, my Mother. This lady is a saint, and without any influence at all she has always tried to drown out the darkness with light. She believes to just love someone no matter what. Its a shame that I have aloud more darkness to come into my heart than my Mothers undeniably wise approach to the game of life.
My advice to my future self, and all you Fathers out there is to be very careful of what you know you are walking into. If you know that just the sight of someone or the review of certain papers is going to ruffle your feathers, take a deep breath, and mentally prepare yourself for what is going to happen. Have a back up plan for those emotional outburst. For me I will dive into those wonderful memories and "find my happy place". What ever the case is just be aware that it is and will happen and its best to have a plan.
San Tzu- says something about battles are won in preparation, and every part of being in my shoes dealing with my situation is a battle everyday. However, I know Im strong enough to conquer these small mini wars, and it could always be worse. If I keep that positive attitude I will be able to bring out the darkness with a whole lot of light. Now I must go down to the lobby and hand over my Son to his Mother. -smile-