"In a thousand pounds of court there isn't an ounce of love. ". ~~ Confucius

We lost again!

     Today was another day where we took to the judge to solve our petty, can't get along, embarrassing court date for contempt and enforcement. To my surprise It was light and fluffy. ( probably because the inside judge was absent). This stand in judge was great, she helped us clear the air on a number of issues that were brought up. 

     Here's how it went down:

They started off with the "tell the other parent who has the child and not withhold where-about...". This is my place to say , "yes but, she can't harass them"

(Judge stops and puts down pen)  she says: "let me be clear, either parent has every right to check on their child... "

Me:  (hearts pounding ) "may I?"  

Judge Lets me talk and we went from having to give details  and where -Abouts, to how many times a parent can call.  I'll give details all day long but please, please just limit these calls to like 3 a day  (Not every two hours that's rediculous)  

Judge then proceeds to make the best order I have ever seen, the judge writes down (slowly) "Parent is limited to calling the other parent no more than..." Judge pauses and thinks to herself. At this point I'm leaning forward, and it just got good:

We are playing a metaphor dice of phone call numbers. This judge shakes em and shakes them in her head for like 29 seconds. Finally she's ready to throw the dice, give us our answer.  In my head I'm saying c'mon 3, 3, please give me a 3. I'm sure my child's mother was praying for a 9 or something.  

Judge spits out a 2!!!!

What, this is better than gambling, we get our life back, so much weight lifted off these obligated phone calls.  2 a day, and that's it.

after that I cleared the air on other 4 hour first right of refusal clause. We found out these magical words "reasonable intent". So we just moved right along, following that we came up with the exchanges at my job.  Now this one erks me, because this was an order they requested. Two hours later I got mìjos mother saying that I have to pick up mìjo at her house but she house to pick him up at my job. Other words, they are negating the rules their team just proposed to me 120 minutes ago.  The thing to do is go get my baby, try not to poke the bear, and just take the high road. I'm extremely happy we got to adjust certain things but it's very unfortunate that no matter how you spin it, we all lost. 

John Ray's A collection of English proverbs 1670, 1678:

Lamb and TunaFish just helps the unexpected when you least expect it.

      When I first thought of this club I thought of all the reasons why a Father would lose contact with their children, forgetting that those children grow up and the term just changes to offspring or something.

I let my emotions get the best of me and refused to enjoy or attempt to enjoy any more phone calls with My own Father because of some petty stuff. We lost contact for about 3 months, and there was nothing positive about that. He made his attempts, reached out, and continued to be the loving Father I've always known him to be. However, this isn't about a testimony of how I'm trying to be a better Son or how hes a great Dad, this is about the power in the movement.

This lamb and tunafish is a serious movement that I can't wait for people to experience. My personal testimony of how it has changed my life has everything to do with creating the website and putting together these pages. I must of said the word "Father" like fifty times and "Son" a hundred times; just planting a seed in my own head. Well two hours into my creativity I couldn't write one more word about being a Father or having a Son, I just picked up the phone and called my Dad like I've been wanting to do for weeks. We laughed and brushed things off like I knew we would, and I told him: "Dad, I couldn't say one more word about being a loving Dad without calling you." We talked for an hour, I told him my hopes and dreams like I always do, he validated with wise words, support and I went on. The thing was I was going to call eventually, but when I see these Father/Son words I start holding myself accountable for what I want to represent. I want to show the world how to be a good Father and I definitely want to educate young man out there the qualities in a good Son. Looking back on all the mistakes I've made as a Father, I will instill that wisdom for future Fathers and likewise for the Sons. Not talking to my Dad was dumb and it could of been easily solved, but I allowed my emotions to get to me. Thinking about all my situations I can definitely tell you its a pride thing, and pride can be an ugly quality. I've preached on humility before and thought that was the way because of how "the meek shall inherit the earth", but there has got to be a balance. We got to learn when to hold our chest up high and when to take that humble sandwich. As men, we stand up for our principles, we learn not to tolerate certain behavior and we're taught not to take grief from anybody. Well sometimes we have to take it, and learning how to recognize what battles to fight will be an ever-going journey through life. This site is here to help gain perspective, we can all make mistakes in our Father/Son relationship, just got to learn how to overcome those dilemmas and not let it effect our time together. This life is tough enough and we all have an obligation to be there for our parents and children no matter what, and If you're able to be there for them then nothing should get in the way of that.

With Love,

-Joshua Doerr

 

 

 

Be the light you want your son to see

After feeling somewhat positive about my endeavors of sending my Child's Mother a  video (Son's bday montage, its on the site). I chose to spend this day getting my facts straight for court, if anybody who is anybody knows, the process leading up to court is SOOO stressful.

After obtaining police records and reading them over, simultaneously barking at the k-9 statue with my Son, I was CONSUMED with anger. This lead my to go on a rampage with the only person I know who will listen to me at my beckon call, my Mother. This lady is a saint, and without any influence at all she has always tried to drown out the darkness with light. She believes to just love someone no matter what. Its a shame that I have aloud more darkness to come into my heart than my Mothers undeniably wise approach to the game of life. 

My advice to my future self, and all you Fathers out there is to be very careful of what you know you are walking into. If you know that just the sight of someone or the review of certain papers is going to ruffle your feathers, take a deep breath, and mentally prepare yourself for what is going to happen. Have a back up plan for those emotional outburst. For me I will dive into those wonderful memories and "find my happy place". What ever the case is just be aware that it is and will happen and its best to have a plan. 

San Tzu- says something about battles are won in preparation, and every part of being in my shoes dealing with my situation is a battle everyday. However, I know Im strong enough to conquer these small mini wars, and it could always be worse. If I keep that positive attitude I will be able to bring out the darkness with a whole lot of light. Now I must go down to the lobby and hand over my Son to his Mother.  -smile-

Breathing peacefully,

Joshua